Seme or Uke?
by Moonstar66
Summary: This is my take on how the hosts would score on the Seme or Uke personality test from SemeUke. I do not own! A part which may become related to a story i'm writing, but read and let me know if you want me to write about the other Hosts. So far, Mori and Kyoya are taken but others may be cannon or OCs. So far, MoriXOC and KyoyaXOC, implied TamakiXHaruhi.
1. Mori

Just for kicks, today, I have decided that I'm going to make Mori take the 'Seme Uke Personality Test' that I found on the Internet. And Hunny is going to help me.

In the club room after school…

Mori gives Hunny and I look that basically says, "So, what am I doing now?" we just grin at him and log into the laptop. I find the website while Hunny give Mori a small explaination.

"We just want you to take this personality quiz! C'mon, Takeshi! It'll be fun!" Hunny gushes. Mori blinks and shrugs. Having it all ready, we step behind Mori and watch as he reads the first question:

Do you enjoy licking things?

He blinks again, looks at us minutely, comprehension dawning, before settling again, slightly more disgruntled, and thinking about his answer before choosing,

B) What the hell is wrong with you?

Hunny and I giggle as he continues on.

Have you ever bought hair dye for yourself?

G) It's not really my thing.

I bite my lower lip as Mori's eyes widen at the third question:

Have you ever tied someone up?

At this point, Hunny is having trouble holding back his giggles. Luckily, none of the Host Club, whom are currently getting ready for today's customers, have noticed Mori's torture session.

Mori chooses, to our shock:

G) If my partner wants me to.

Ears bright red, he sighs before continuing onwards. The blush gets even worse this time.

Have you ever been tied up?

He quickly chooses, B) Wanna die?

Hunny and I are giggling a tiny bit, unable to completely hold back, but still, no one else notices. Mori's blush goes down with the next question.

What kind of shoes do you wear?

E) Dress shoes.

Would you feel guilty for taking advantage of someone?

F) I hope I've never done such a thing * blinks and looks around *

I blink, a bit surprised at his innocence. I know damn well that Hunny has plenty of knowledge in taking advantage of others.

Devil in angel's clothing.

Your weapon of choice?

Without much thought, Mori chooses, A) My body.

Hunny and I both choke on air, quickly realizing that Mori has no idea what he just said.

We're not quick to alert him, either.

Do you have any piercings?

Mori looks like he's at a loss for how to respond, but in the end, chooses, G) * Death glare *

Alcohol?

He chooses C this time, answering 'Are you sure I should be drinking this?'

Personally a bit shocked that he didn't choose G) Well, I've never tried it, I look at Hunny, who whispers to me, "Our family gives us all sake on holidays and celebrations."

I nod, understanding now, and look back to the screen, where Mori has chosen A) Classic sports car, to the question 10) What kind of vehicle do you drive?

Makes sense. Rich kids drive expensive cars, no shock there.

How do you eat ice cream?

A bit awkwardly, Mori clicks B) Um…in a cone?, making me smile lightly at his innocence.

What gift would you give your partner?

Mori clicks between D) A candle-lit dinner, and E) Candy or a plushie. He finally chooses E) Candy or a plushie, to which Hunny and I smile in approval.

What's your ideal pet?

No shock when he chooses A) A kitten, or anything cute. Coming from the man that collects small, cute animal companions, there was little other real choice.

How do you order at a restaurant?

Being ever the gentleman, as he was raised, he simply chooses F) Order for me and my partner – no matter how expensive, whatever my partner wants.

The server brings you the wrong food. What do you do?

He seems to have a bit of trouble choosing this answer, not wanting to be mean or a drunkard. He finally makes an annoyed noise in his throat and clicks A) Huh? It was the wrong food? I never noticed. I can half believe this because Mori doesn't seem like the kind of person that is very observant or picky about his food. Especially looking at his younger brother, Satoshi, I can see this happening.

You catch someone checking out your partner. You:

At this point, there is no hesitation. He promptly clicks C) Kick their ass, a mutinous glare on his face.

Hunny gives him an approving look, while I am just a tiny bit shocked inside at his possessiveness. I guess rich kids really don't like people wanting to take away their toys. I shake my head in amusement.

Your dream occupation:

Not finding the option he wants, he clicks the most appropriate job.

I) Private Detective.

What's your favorite accessory?

Smiling a tiny bit, he chooses I) Jewelry my partner gave me, absent mindedly reaching up to caress the small charm necklace he's wearing.

What costume would you wear to a masquerade?

It's obvious he's thinking of the Host Club's shenanigans from the pained look on his face. He promptly chooses F) Just another means of public humiliation…

What kind of music do you listen to?

Shrugging, he just clicks on D) Whatever my partner's listening to.

He seems relieved that the last question has finally arrived.

Right up until he actually reads it.

Do you usually find yourself on top or bottom?

Bright red, he avoids our eyes as he chooses F) Whatever makes my partner comfortable.

Quickly, he clicks the button, quite aptly labeled 'Submit to Your Fate'.

Hunny laughs as he sees Mori's result, while I just smirk at Mori's blushing face.

"**You are a Romantic Seme!**

A true romantic, you're safest sticking with a partner who is gentle and can appreciate your mature, loving ways and protective nature. Most often found with a handful of roses and wine, you are committed to your partner and their happiness, which makes you a perfect match for the Innocent Uke, who you will dedicate yourself to and lavish with gifts and attention.

**Most compatible with:** Innocent Uke, Clueless Uke

**Least compatible with:** Badass Uke, Dramatic Uke"

Later that night…

"So, Romantic Seme, huh?" Ana comments, raising an eyebrow and approaching Mori, who is sitting on the couch in a tired fashion.

"Aa." He intones, obviously fighting not to roll his eyes at the antics of his friends earlier. Ana pouts, crossing her arms.

"You didn't have fun? It's always nice to know who you're compatible with." She comments, settling on the couch beside him, cuddling closely.

Noticing his suspicious look of "You sound like you've taken this test. What'd you get?", I smile at him.

"I took it a couple of times, actually, out of boredom. And guess what?" moving to straddle his hips, she leans up and whispers in his ear, "I got both Clueless and Innocent Uke." Leaning back again and looking at him coyly, she moves in close again. "Care to show me exactly how compatible we are?"

As Mori quickly stands and half-carries her half-runs into his bedroom, Ana thinks idly, 'Even though I got Clueless Uke and Innocent Uke results, I probably should have gotten Opportunist Seme with my amount of manipulation.' She ponders, before quickly forgetting about it in the flurry of clothes. 'Oh well.'

**A/N: Okay, I just got this done, but I'm leaving it as 'Incomplete' in case anyone wants me to write the other Host's results. Not sure if you liked this story, but please give me feedback. Also check out my other stories, I don't want to choose the ending to my Eyeshield 21 fanfic until I have more reviews, so, if you're interested, please read and review.**

**Also, this might end up as a companion to another OHSHC fanfic I'm planning. Not sure yet, but it's a possibility.**

**Let me know if you want more of this story!**


	2. Kyoya

**Here's Kyoya's part! Due to a nice review from Ducky the Insomniac Panda, I'm also going to be uploading Tamaki's soon after this one! Please don't hate me for making Kyoya a pervert (WARNING!) and Enjoy and Review! =w=**

"Oh, Kyo-chan?" Ana singsong calls to the Shadow Host Club King. He looks up from his notes and raises an eyebrow.

"What is it, Ana-san?" he asks her politely. Ana clucks her tongue.

"Oh Kyo-chan, no need for such formalities! We have known each other since we were children, after all!" She remind him, slightly annoyed.

"What is it, Ana-san?" he asks her, ignoring her earlier words. 'I can never tell her how scared I am of what Mori might do to me from the glare he gave me the last time I called her Nana-chan in front of him…' he thinks, shuddering slightly as a minute twitch occurs in his left eye.

Ignoring the twitch, a plotting look enters Ana's eyes as she holds up her laptop.

"I want you to take this quiz I found on the Internet a while ago. I'm curious to see which result you'll get!" she smiles at him, all sunshine and roses in the background.

Kyoya distrusts her immediately, of course.

"No." he states bluntly, going back to his notes. 'Anything she wants me to do with _that_ look in her eyes practically _screams_ pain and embarrassment for me.' He groans silently.

Reaching into her bag with a Cheshire grin growing on her lips, she says a sentence that makes Kyoya freeze.

"I'll give you nude-y pictures of Hoshi-chan."

Quickly defrosting, Kyoya snaps his head over to look at the pictures in her hand, each featuring his fiancée Hoshi in various states of nudity and undress.

Closet pervert unlocked, he barely keeps his blank face on as he looks at his childhood friend, who is obviously very much aware of his inner turmoil.

"Where did you get those?" he asks, clearing his throat, mouth going dry.

Her smirk widens, threatening to split her face.

"I have a secret camera in the girl's locker room, and we've had slumber parties together." She states simply, having no problem with revealing her sources. Nothing he can do about it anyways.

Kyoya fights with himself for a moment, before finally caving.

"Give me the stupid laptop, I'll do your ridiculous quiz." He submits.

Shit-eating grin on her face, she hands over the laptop, quickly taking her place behind him to watch.

Kyoya almost regrets his choice to participate, scrolling over each question before he starts. Almost.

Nude photos of the girl he likes will do that to any teenage boy, him included.

Do you enjoy licking things?

B) What the hell's wrong with you?

Have you ever bought hair dye for yourself?

G) It's not really my thing.

Have you ever tied someone up?

Finding no better option, Kyoya winces as he clicks G) If my partner wants me to.

His face darken as he reads '4) Have you ever been tied up?', and he promptly clicks B) Wanna die?

He relaxes slightly at the normality of '5) What kind of shoes do you wear?', though he doesn't quite understand why it matters.

E) Dress shoes

6) Would you feel guilty for taking advantage of someone?

Smirking, he clicks C) I'm not going to hurt them. It's for their own good anyway.

7) Your weapon of choice?

Another smirk and 'H) My charming smile', is the chosen answer. Ana rolls her eyes at her friend's obviousness.

8) Do you have any piercings?

G) * death glare *

9) Alcohol?

A) A means to get what I want.

Ana shudders slightly, reminding herself to never go out drinking with Kyoya. It could get dangerous for both her and the company she's going to run once she graduates.

10) What kind of vehicles do you drive?

A) Classic sports car

11) How do you eat your ice cream?

H) Sharing a cone with my partner.

Slightly relieved that her friend isn't a total pervert, Ana lets out a breath, relaxing with the knowledge that the innocent Hoshi won't be _too_ bad off when they get married.

…For about five seconds, until she realizes that sharing a cone means indirect kisses.

'Devious bastard.' She narrows her eyes at the self-satisfactory smirk on Kyoya's lips.

12) What gift would you give your partner?

D) A candle-lit dinner.

13) What's your ideal pet?

C) Something that obeys my every command.

'Typical Kyoya.' Ana shakes her head at his answer.

14) How do you order at a restaurant?

F) Order for me and my partner – no matter how expensive, whatever my partner wants.

15) The server brings you the wrong food. What do you do?

G) Smile and politely explain while planning the server's bloody demise.

16) You catch someone checking out your partner. You:

A) Grin because I was waiting for the chance to kill someone today.

'Poor schmucks. Hoshi's admirers will never stand a chance.' Sending up a quick prayer for the future actress' fans, Ana looks back to watch Kyoya's progress.

17) Your dream occupation:

I) Private detective.

"Close enough…" Kyoya mutters.

18) What's your favorite accessory?

My partner.

At Ana's low growl, Kyoya twists around and snaps, "Well I'm hardly the type to either wear or be given jewelry!" before turning back.

19) What costume would you wear to a masquerade?

B) A sexy goth vampire. So I can lead my partner into a dark alley and seduce them.

Seeing Kyoya's face, Ana can easily believe that. Consequences be damned.

Leaning down, Ana hisses in his ear, "If you _dare_ deflower Hoshi-chan before you're married, I'll kill you and devour your soul."

Kyoya gulps and hurriedly moves onto the next question.

20) What kind of music do you listen to?

G) Something refined and romantic.

21) Do you usually find yourself on top or bottom?

H) Anything's possible with a little convincing or manipulation.

Clicking the button, 'Submit to Your Fate', Kyoya's Personality is revealed:

**You are an Opportunist Seme!**

Preying on the clueless is what you're all about. You really don't intend to hurt anyone, but if a bit of harmless manipulation can get you what you want, you're not beyond taking a little advantage of someone, which you figure is an even exchange for your companionship anyway. Not one for lots of drama, you are best paired with the Clueless Uke, who will appreciate your attention and never bat an eye at your slightly sneaky ways.

**Most compatible with:** Clueless Uke, Innocent Uke

**Least compatible with:** Badass Uke

I pat Kyoya's shoulder as I stand and take my laptop back from him as I slip the pictures into his bag before I take my leave.

"Luckily for you, I'm pretty sure that Hoshi would be both Innocent and Clueless. Not that we're ever going to show her something this suggestive. But, it stands to reason that she'll suit you just fine." Ana grins and pulls Kyoya up from his seat and pushes him towards the door. "Now then, go meet up with Hoshi. I told her you'd meet her out front at 4:30, and it's 4:25. Have fun at the movies!" She finishes, calling after his already disappearing figure, smirking and shaking her head.

Moving to sit with Mori and Hunny at a table full of cake, she smiles for real at the antics of her wacky friends.

'Now, to just get Haruhi and Tamaki together…' she chuckles in her mind.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! No flames please; if you dislike, keep it to yourselves and leave quietly. Constructive criticism is welcome! I hope I didn't make Kyoya too OOC – I just thought he'd be funnier as a closet pervert (I also secretly think he could be one -_-lll). Yes, Kyoya and my OC Ana are childhood friends; I'll make a list of all relationships and fiancées/love interests later, promise! Kyoya is also engaged to Ana's other best friend, Hoshi (whom she met in Middle School), who is going to be a famous actress after High School.**

**Lets hear it for our reviewers in my Review Corner Love Time!:**

**-HellsTheTwerd**

**-Ducky the Insomniac Panda**

**Laters!**

**Moonstar66**


	3. Sorry no Update but plz help!

**Lovely Readers,**

**I have been so bad by not updating, but I figured to (hopefully) make up for it, I will now be accepting OCs for the remaining characters of Hunny, Hikaru, and Kaoru. Tamaki and Haruhi are reserved for one another (due to my statement in Ch. 1), so please refrain from flaming over this. Love you all, please send in OCs. Self-Inserts or regular OCs alike are welcomed, but I will choose the first ones for each pairing. Have fun and I will update soon (hopefully)!**

**Love and Bishies,**

**Moonstar66**

**P.S. Please don't kill me. D':**


	4. Tamaki

**Sorry for the super long wait – my Internet was shot to hell! Please read, enjoy, and review! ^w^**

**For now, we have Tamaki!**

"…What is this?" Tamaki asks me incredulously. I hide my smirk, a pleasant smile stamped on my face.

"It's a commoner thing. They take these weird quizzes to learn things about themselves they never really knew. Why don't you give it a try?" I tell him. His face lights up at the thought of doing a commoner activity, and he nods his head, eagerly starting the first question on the page:

Do you enjoy licking things?

Tamaki blinks for a moment, before choosing:

C) No, not really.

Have you ever bought hair dye for yourself?

Shrugging, he chooses: D) No, but I'd like to try it.

With the boring stuff over with, I enjoy watching his ears light up a bright red when he finally gets to the third question.

Have you ever tied someone up?

C) * freaks out * Are you going to tie me up?

Have you ever been tied up?

His strangled face changes to a light smile as he clicks his next answer bubble.

E) My partner's too nice to do those things.

What kind of shoes do you wear?

E) Dress shoes

6) Would you feel guilty for taking advantage of someone?

F) I hope I've never done such a thing. * blinks and looks around *

I swear, it takes everything I have to keep from falling over and letting out all of my laughter when he actually does blink and look at the people around the room. Maybe I shouldn't have done this during club hours – Kyo-chan is giving me a dirty look and Mori is looking at Tamaki with feeling. I pout, not thinking it was _that_ bad.

7) Your weapon of choice?

I smack my forehead at his grin and choice.

E) That badass sword from the video game I played last week! So cool!

Dear gods, Haru-chan. You must _seriously_ love this guy.

8) Do you have any piercings?

D) It looks like it would hurt! * squirms *

I chuckle slightly at his adorableness as he squirms a bit in his seat. Too cute. No wonder Haru-chan, the serious one in our rag-tag group of extremists (not the bad kind – just the crazy kind! =w=), puts up with him.

9) Alcohol?

C) Are you sure I should drink this?

10) What kind of vehicle do you drive?

Classic sports car

Damn rich people. All of them have expensive cars.

11) How do you eat your ice cream?

H) Sharing a cone with my partner.

He clicks this answer with doe-y eyes and sparkles in the air around him.

'Yeah.' I snort. 'Only in your daydreams.'

12) What gift would you give your partner?

"Well, Haruhi doesn't really care for possessions, so…" Tamaki thinks aloud, before clicking his answer a few moments later.

Myself.

13) What's your ideal pet?

H) Um, a turtle, or maybe a dog, or ferrets are cool too…

"I have Antoinette, so I guess this is the best option." Tamaki mumbles to himself, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Oh dear gods. I've made Haru-chan's boyfriend into a personality quiz junkie.

…She's going to kill me.

14) How do you order at a restaurant?

F) Order for me and my partner – no matter how expensive, whatever my partner wants.

15) The server brings you the wrong food. What do you do?

H) I didn't notice because I was too busy gazing into my partner's eyes.

16) You catch someone checking out your partner. You:

Feel lucky that I have such an attractive partner.

17) Your dream occupation:

E) It'd be fun to be in a band! * peace sign *

Oh dear gods. With that gleam in his eyes, I think I know what the Host Club's theme is going to be next.

I really hope everyone can play and instrument.

18) What's your favorite accessory?

G) This cool hat I bought last week! * runs to go get it and show it off *

19) What costume would you wear to a masquerade?

H) Cosplay rocks! *runs off to research which anime character I'm going to be*

20) What kind of music do you listen to?

E) Pop! Light and happy music, ^^

21) Do you usually find yourself on top or bottom?

I don't even need to read which one he chose, as he blinks and turns red, quickly running away with his hand pressed against his nose. Laughing quietly, I click the button 'Submit to Your Fate', and reveal which personality Tamaki is saddled with.

**You are a Clueless Uke!**

Having a good time is what you're all about. You're satisfied just to have someone to eat hamburgers and play video games with, and are completely oblivious to other's manipulative behavior. You don't expect much, and that can be a good thing. You're perfect prey for the Opportunist Seme, who might take advantage of you, but you probably won't even notice, or really care, as long as you're enjoying yourself.

**Most compatible with:** Opportunist Seme, Romantic Seme

**Least compatible with:** Sadistic Seme, Don't Fuck With Me Seme

**Review Corner Love Time!:**

HellsTheTwerd – Always love your reviews and support~! (Please don't be mad at me for lack of update! O^O). Also, interesting choice. Please include info on family business and class, if possible.

1AndOnlyJanae – Sounds lovely. However, same advice as above.

ErikFan2237 – I like the idea of twins for the twins, but it seems a bit overused. I'll see if I can make it work out in my head, if not, I might only pair one of them with a twin.

Sparklefaith – Love the name, and I'd be interested to hear about said OC. Please PM me details.


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